Home Schooling Problems:
Are They Due to Character?

Can you relate to any of these situations in your home schooling day? Your child…

• takes all day to complete a short assignment,
• is sloppy and careless in work that he could be doing well,
• argues or complains constantly about his school work,
• “forgets” his assignment.

If you have experienced these things too, then you may wonder if the root problem of all the stress in your home is due to your child's character, his attitude towards life and responsibility.

Before you start to discipline your child for moral failure, though, look to see if these problems are due to simple immaturity or learning problems - your child simply can't do the work -- or are they due to character, that your child won't do the work for some reason? Let's look at both possibilities.

Your child could be having problems because she is just not developmentally ready to learn something. Much as we may wish to “make” our child more mature, immaturity is not something we as parents, or our child, can control. Spilling milk carelessly is usually a simple accident, a lack of coordination, not something done deliberately.

Likewise, some things, like not being able to concentrate for extended periods of time, aren't a matter of the will. These skills can be developed, but young children aren't born able to do them. Their bodies and their minds just aren't ready for hours of concentrated effort. They can, of course, as time goes by, learn these skills bit by bit.

Though experts probably disagree about this, sometimes you may just need to wait. Take a deep breath, trust in God's perfect timing for your growing child, and wait a few months or so before your child is ready to learn whatever she was having problems learning.

The same is true for more complex reasoning skills. Before children understand about borrowing and carrying in arithmetic, they need to understand the concept of place value. Likewise, before they can write original ideas persuasively, they need to be able to make connections and put forth original ideas. Higher reasoning is an ability that children develop at different times and is related to how the brain has developed.

There may also be medical issues that are causing the learning problems, such as vision problems or dyslexia or a number of other things. For instance, when our then-first grader was having problems with learning to read, we hired a reading specialist to tutor her in reading and me in how to teach reading. Those few weeks made a world of difference for both of us.

Tips:

• Make sure the problem isn't physically based, such as a hearing or vision loss.
• Don't assume disobedience first of all.
• If your child is having problems with a physical task, or with doing higher-level reasoning, first ask yourself if she is ready to do these things. For instance, is she able to do other small-motor activities in other areas, such as cooking or drawing?
• Let your child experience the joy of feeling successful. Demand less for a while.
• Build up gradually to harder assignments.

She can do it, she just won't! What home schooling parent hasn't thought that at some point? Willful disobedience is one of a number of problems that might fall under the category of “character problems.” Other issues might be honesty, responsibility, follow-through or perseverance.

To help promote the good character qualities and minimize the unacceptable ones, try the following steps. To make it easy to remember, I call this the SALT Your Life Principle:

• Spend time with your child. Play that video game he loves together. Give your pre-teen girl a manicure. Get into their world and try to see life from their point of view.
• Ask questions. Find out what he likes about the video game, what the best strategy is. Learn what colors your daughter think go well together. As you talk about some of the things that are important to him or her, your child will realize that you really do care about them.
• Listen to your child. As you spend time with your child, listen to what comes up in his conversation. Deep feelings might not come up right away, but over time, you may pick up on cues that show how he's feeling about the upcoming move, his grandfather's illness, or whatever is under the surface of how he's feeling.
• Touch your children with appropriate expressions of love. Give them a hug. Rub their shoulders. It takes so little to express our love to our kids, but it makes a big difference to them.

Start small. Start today. Choose just one of the SALT Your Life Principles listed above, and do it once today. Just once. See if it makes a difference.

Decide today to spend even 5 minutes with one of your kids doing what they want to do. Or consciously decide to bend down and look your son in the eyes when he starts telling you the latest installment in his Lego-inspired adventure saga. Bit by bit, start making this a habit.

A few minutes spent engaging your child using the SALT Your Life Principles mentioned above will do more good for your home schooling than buying any new home school curriculum.

After implementing the steps of the SALT Your Life Principles, if learning problems still persist, be sure you have made an appointment with your doctor or a learning specialist to check out hearing, vision or other physically-based learning problems.

Your pastor, a counselor who knows your child, or a specialist conversant with learning disabilities may be a good resource to help you understand your child and what she is experiencing better.

Then, if problems still continue, look beyond Character issues to the other Big Four C's of Choosing Home School Curriculum to see what may be the root of your home schooling problem.

• Home Schooling Problems Due to Circumstances?
• Problems Due to Your Calendar?
• Problems Due To Your Curriculum?
• Problems Due to Your Child's Character?